What to do, what to do!
If you have not discerned already, I’m performing a perilous act: thinking
And I am thinking of an even more dangerous creature: a girl
How can I speak to her?
My sisters gift me conflicting counsel:
Stay true and blunt, tell her everything
Or keep it close to the chest, play at hard to get and have her chase you
I have tried both!
But when I speak my mind
I end up speaking too much and saying too little
My mouth does not know when to stop moving
And my brain is NO HELP
As I try at mysterious and secretive
I bury my heart in a labyrinth
Smother it with a stoic persona
And petrify it with a stone face
She begins to look at me and treat me as if I’m some broken vase:
Not quite sure what to do, she keeps her distance
And doesn’t even try to get near me
Let alone reach out to me
One method scares her away as if I dropped a demon in her lap
While the other leaves her feeling shut off and locked out
O, what to do, what to do!
How can I tell her?
How can I tell her that merely the thought of her smile brightens my day
How can I form into dialogue that her laughter pushes all badness away
How can I say that her tears are the last thing I wish to see
How can I show her that by her side is the place I wish to be
I know what you’re thinking… you just did
But let me tell you a little truth the world has hid
That is not how this works
That is not how any of this works!
I do not know how or why
But a little voice tells me that if I even make an attempt
I will regret it as the worst mistake of my life
It is that same putrid, little voice that tells you to jump when you stand at the edge of a cliff
Go ahead, taunts the evil Jiminy Cricket of my mind, go ahead and try
Go commit verbal suicide, and wave bu-bye to any chance at a retry
Needless to say, I wish to exterminate this pest
It spits its poison in my ear everytime I try to confess
And causes me to do the one thing I actually regret:
Not telling her the truth, and now I’m depressed
What to do, what to do!
How can I tell her what my heart says is true
Without that worm between my ears infecting me with fear
To the very point where I freeze when she comes near
Now I am petrified, I can’t even say “hi”.
Hi. (pause) Hi. Just start with hi–
Say it. Say hi as she walks past.
I’ve gotta start somewhere
Oh, here she comes, Lord help me!
– Jonas Micolucci, The Haverford School, Class of 2016